


Cheep Tricks

by fingalsanteater



Series: Fandom Secrets Crack Ficlet Extravaganza [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Thor enters the Twilight Zone, just for fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-08
Updated: 2014-02-08
Packaged: 2018-01-11 15:38:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1174810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fingalsanteater/pseuds/fingalsanteater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor enters... the Twilight Zone. Or, he's just the star of a demented crack ficlet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cheep Tricks

**Author's Note:**

> This a crack fic based on secret posted on the DW comm Fandom Secrets. The thread is [here](http://fandomsecrets.dreamwidth.org/654649.html?thread=571460153#cmt571460153). Basically, though, the secret was that the OP wanted to feed Thor pretzels like a baby bird. I was inspired by their creativity.

Thor awoke next to a beautiful, yet oddly plastic, blonde. He didn't recall going to bed with a woman, but all that meant was that he must have had a really good time. He stretched out in the- frankly, uncomfortable- bed and leaned over to kiss his bedmate. His chaste kiss on her strangely smooth cheek was met with silence. Curious, Thor sat up to get a better look at the woman. And, then, he realized what she was.   
  
He started back in surprise and then flopped painfully to the floor. She was a doll! A plastic Midgardian doll!   
  
Fully awake and slightly startled, Thor's head began to clear. As he took in his surroundings, he realized that the room was open to the outside, like the house had been half built. He stepped to the edge of the floor to get a better look at the outside. Outside wasn't outside at all, but just a larger bedroom!   
  
"LOKI!" Thor yelled for trickster brother. "Loki, why have you done this!? You have made me the size of a doll! Restore me, brother!"   
  
But, his brother did not answer. Instead, the door of the outside bedroom opened and a young Midgardian woman entered. She was holding plastic bag. She stuck her hand in the bag and pulled out a large handful of something that looked like those salty, twisted dry breads that Midgardians liked to eat with their beer. Pretzels. She slovenly shoved the handful in her mouth and started crunching.   
  
"Uhmmph, mmm. Muh tuh 's 'wake," said the girl through her mouthful of food.  
  
As she stepped up to dollhouse, Thor scrambled back and tried in vain to open the small door. But, it was only painted on. The girl reached her large hand in and clasped it around him fully, so that only his head was exposed. "Oh," lamented Thor, "if only I had thought to call for Mjölnir sooner!"  
  
But, it was too late for that. Thor could feel her crushing the breath out of him with her strong grip.   
  
Thor's head was chin level with the girl. He could see he still chewing.    
  
She opened her mouth and said "Uh'pen wide!"  
  
Then, she spit the chewed food all over him. Thor sputtered and gagged. His hair and face was covered in chunks of brown-beige sludge.   
  
"Aw," she cooed. "You were supposed to open up your mouth like a baby bird. Now, say 'cheep cheep' and we'll try again."   
  
"NEVER!" Yelled Thor, infuriated. "I'll never allow this humiliation!"  
  
"Well, you'll get hungry sooner or later." She squeezed Thor tighter and stuck another handful of pretzels in her mouth.   
  
Thor closed his eyes and mouth tightly and braced himself.


End file.
